Step right up, come one come all, we welcome you without judgement. After the horrible attacks in New York on September the 11th 2001 like the rest of the world I did some serious rethinking about my spiritual life. My major question was how can I reconnect with God? Before the attacks I had begun experiencing extreme anxiety attacks, and it had been a long time since I listened to Christian radio, and something told me that it would be a good idea to start listening again. During a very painful anxiety attack, I tuned into WDCX fm a station I began listening to in 1995 after becoming a born again Christian. I was dramatically saved in 1995, and although I still attended a catholic church, I considered myself to be a Born Again Christian. My understanding of theology was sparse if any understanding at all. I knew I was saved, and I knew I believed.
This belief was challenged not too shortly after a honeymoon stage of my conversion. It was the result of a failed relationship, that I began to question the goodness and the providence of God. I began to feel my faith slipping away from me, and it left me with the question of where God went. I wouldn't say that I renounced my faith, it was a big slip into unbelief that lead me to fall back or fall forwards into a different faith walk. During this new journey of faith I discovered things about myself, about the world etc. I wouldn't say that I was worldly but I surely was practicing my evangelical faith. I had faith, but it was a different God, (in theory). I never felt an absence or separation from God, I just chose to believe differently. I had a desire to be holy, and even to be a saint. But of course practising a different religion, didn't lead me back to evangelicalism.
What did lead me back was the Lord in 2001. I began reading and studying the bible with a zeal. I found myself understanding things about the word of God, that if understood at my original conversion, I might not have walked away. I began to understand what it meant to be a Christian for the first time. I began to understand doctrinally what it meant to be Born Again, and I understood biblically what happened to me in 1995. I understood what salvation meant biblically, and I was fully prepared to fully dive back into the faith that I had believed went missing, or should I say the biblical God. What I experienced next was unspeakable.
I was baptized in a Pentecostal church in 2007, and I felt like my life once again had stability, I was, and still am truly sold out for Jesus Christ. After I felt like I was hearing enough of the bible in the church I was attending, I decided to try a Salvation Army church, which was just down the street. I had never been in a church like this before, so I was terribly sad when this church closed. I thought my journey in evangelicalism was finally over. Enter Harvest Bible Chapel. I used to listen to James MacDonald in 1995, after my conversion so hearing he had a church close to where I was now living in Canada I was overjoyed that I could try to attend.
I began faithfully attending, untill I was accused of dividing the church six years after I had been there. I was just a lay person. I did volunteer, almost too much. I was getting burnt out. I even attended something called Harvest University back in 2012, but because of all the volunteering I was doing, I slept in my hotel room for the three days the conference was going on. I was so sad to be in Chicago, to be just down the street from this church, where the ministry of Walk in The Word was a part of. I remember waking up the first morning of the conference, getting in the car that was to take me to the conference, sitting in the parking lot of one of James MacDonald's churches, and having a severe anxiety attack that I asked the driver to take me back to the hotel, where I stayed in my bed for three days.
To be so close to one of the ministries, that I listened to while attending the catholic church as a saved person was overwhelming. I thought to myself that it was just enough to attend his church where I lived, untill I was accused on Facebook of division by one of my elders, for practicing mindfulness. A practice that I discovered myself after listening to a podcast on the new psychology of depression on ITunes. It's not that I just wanted to practise it, it was approved by my psychiatrist. So, I haven't been back to this church, or any evangelical church, I need to take care of my mental health, and recently became an author where I talk about my practice of mindfulness. It is a recovery book, for the CMHA (Canadian Mental Heath Association) where I have been receiving support and psychiatric treatment for over 10 years.
I can positively say that my experience has been two fold. I loved my church, and I loved evangelicalism, until they started to come into conflict with my mental heath care system. It has left me feeling betrayed, but thankful. I have also began to question my conversion again, but this time I have faith. This is Mike.
This belief was challenged not too shortly after a honeymoon stage of my conversion. It was the result of a failed relationship, that I began to question the goodness and the providence of God. I began to feel my faith slipping away from me, and it left me with the question of where God went. I wouldn't say that I renounced my faith, it was a big slip into unbelief that lead me to fall back or fall forwards into a different faith walk. During this new journey of faith I discovered things about myself, about the world etc. I wouldn't say that I was worldly but I surely was practicing my evangelical faith. I had faith, but it was a different God, (in theory). I never felt an absence or separation from God, I just chose to believe differently. I had a desire to be holy, and even to be a saint. But of course practising a different religion, didn't lead me back to evangelicalism.
What did lead me back was the Lord in 2001. I began reading and studying the bible with a zeal. I found myself understanding things about the word of God, that if understood at my original conversion, I might not have walked away. I began to understand what it meant to be a Christian for the first time. I began to understand doctrinally what it meant to be Born Again, and I understood biblically what happened to me in 1995. I understood what salvation meant biblically, and I was fully prepared to fully dive back into the faith that I had believed went missing, or should I say the biblical God. What I experienced next was unspeakable.
I was baptized in a Pentecostal church in 2007, and I felt like my life once again had stability, I was, and still am truly sold out for Jesus Christ. After I felt like I was hearing enough of the bible in the church I was attending, I decided to try a Salvation Army church, which was just down the street. I had never been in a church like this before, so I was terribly sad when this church closed. I thought my journey in evangelicalism was finally over. Enter Harvest Bible Chapel. I used to listen to James MacDonald in 1995, after my conversion so hearing he had a church close to where I was now living in Canada I was overjoyed that I could try to attend.
I began faithfully attending, untill I was accused of dividing the church six years after I had been there. I was just a lay person. I did volunteer, almost too much. I was getting burnt out. I even attended something called Harvest University back in 2012, but because of all the volunteering I was doing, I slept in my hotel room for the three days the conference was going on. I was so sad to be in Chicago, to be just down the street from this church, where the ministry of Walk in The Word was a part of. I remember waking up the first morning of the conference, getting in the car that was to take me to the conference, sitting in the parking lot of one of James MacDonald's churches, and having a severe anxiety attack that I asked the driver to take me back to the hotel, where I stayed in my bed for three days.
To be so close to one of the ministries, that I listened to while attending the catholic church as a saved person was overwhelming. I thought to myself that it was just enough to attend his church where I lived, untill I was accused on Facebook of division by one of my elders, for practicing mindfulness. A practice that I discovered myself after listening to a podcast on the new psychology of depression on ITunes. It's not that I just wanted to practise it, it was approved by my psychiatrist. So, I haven't been back to this church, or any evangelical church, I need to take care of my mental health, and recently became an author where I talk about my practice of mindfulness. It is a recovery book, for the CMHA (Canadian Mental Heath Association) where I have been receiving support and psychiatric treatment for over 10 years.
I can positively say that my experience has been two fold. I loved my church, and I loved evangelicalism, until they started to come into conflict with my mental heath care system. It has left me feeling betrayed, but thankful. I have also began to question my conversion again, but this time I have faith. This is Mike.
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