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Lost at sea.

When the storms of life come our way sometimes we are faced with the question. Usually the question is a very simple question to answer but sometimes in the midst of tragedy we don't know how to say yes or no. We all have a human nature and that's what makes us human beings we all feel times of sadness of separation and of melancholy. We usually look to one another to bring us through these times of testing and of trial, but sometimes friends or family seems like it's not enough to help us. During one of these times of trial in my life when I was in my early 20s I went off to California to find what it was that I was looking for. I did find something for that brief time. In my life it was all that I was living for. I was always a person who believed in God but this time I was actually living out my beliefs whether they were wrong the right time was yet to tell. I recently contacted an organization that I had affiliation with in the past, in order to see for one if they remembered me and also if it would be beneficial to start learning more about what I went through while I was with them.

Wow the question remains whether or not my time spent in California with this organization was something that actually helped me or hindered me I've still yet to answer that question. What I know it did do was provide for me a way to escape from the difficulties that life demanded of me at that time. I was able to see things with the new reality based on the fact that this organization provided for me a home in a sense. When our family lost our home and we lost our business as well this organization seem to fall away into the background of my life. The security that I received at home and the security that I had as being a part of this organization seemed to disqualify themselves as I was left with only myself to deal with. Whether or not my parents knew what I was going through I felt it very difficult to express what I was feeling. I had to almost reinvent myself without this organization and kind of enter into a world where things were uncertain all of the time. The only security that I had was that people were still the same and I believe that I myself was still the same as well. Although I was struggling with a deep-seated emotional illness I still found great comfort in reminding myself of the things that I went through in the past. My life entered a period of morning.

I was morning for the life that could've been and I was morning for the life that was already now. I didn't see how I could be happy without the things that I had in the past which were now taken from me. I did see though that there was hope for my future because I still had a belief in God and that things were going to work out despite the loss of many things that I loved. I had felt as though I had gone through a death a burial and resurrection in my own life. In 2007 I actually got rebaptized as a Pentecostal Christian in a Christian church in Markham called the bridge. I became a born-again Christian in 1995 but failed to grow spiritually and as a result went through what seems like a lifelong journey of pain. The pain did end though by the way, and as a result I was blessed with a new church and a new spiritual family that I could call my friends family and home. Without the support of material things I solely depend upon God and the things that he has blessed me with in this present life. Jesus said that the gates of hell will not prevail against his church I believe his church to be his bride and I believe I'm part of that church or the bride of Christ which will stand in the face of adversity. As the Bible says many are called but few are chosen.

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