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What to do, When you can't find Resolution.

Sometimes circumstances in life seem out of our control. There are some people out there who are desperately needing resolution about certain things, and when I feel that way I get frustrated. In 1999 I was diagnosed with a lifelong illness, and there was a process of grief that I had to go through for many years, to accept what had happened to my health, and at the very beginning it was very difficult. I had to live with the burden that my illness was causing a burden to my family, and I thought that because I got sick, it was my fault. Regardless if it was my fault or not, I needed resolution in my own heart, so the inner conflict would be resolved in my own heart.

I had to live with broken relationships, and many people who didn't understand what I was going through and through all this I didn't wanted peoples pity, I wanted God's compassion. The hardest thing to deal with on my road to recovery, was the harsh, uncaring opinions of people who just didn't understand my illness and even accused me of being a bad person, and even an unforgiven person. This was the hardest thing to deal with, because those people who saw my illness as a curse from their God, were the hardest to deal with.

There are many church denominations out there, who deal in a more Christ loving manner with people on the outcast of our society, and I believe that these churches best represent the true gospel of Jesus Christ. Jesus was called a man of sorrows and I couldn't understand "why" these people were calling themselves Christians and treating people like me with contempt, and arrogance. I found that these people were more concerned with me causing division in their church, than seeing me with an illness, and a broken heart. I have nothing bad to say about these brothers and sisters in Christ, just that I wish they would of seen me, not my illness.

Despite non-understanding people's attitudes, I generally found the church a place of healing and still do. Not just those churches who were more judgemental, but ones who care more about their people than their doctrine. When we need resolution in our lives, because of other peoples mistakes or our own, the first step for me was to forgive myself then forgive those who didn't understand, and persecuted me. I believe that during this time Jesus was blessing my life, because the bible teaches that if we are persecuted for the name of Christ we are Blessed. Resolution comes after not before we accept the negative circumstance, and for me I had to pray and ask the Lord to forgive those who were the most non-understanding.

I wake up everyday, understanding that the people that were causing me the hardest pain still haven't changed, in fact they have gotten more arrogant, and I wonder who else are they hurting? Everyday I need to forgive afresh those people, and when I do I feel more alive. This is Mike.   

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