We's got The Holiday Blues.

I have been listening to a lot of jazz and classical music over the holidays, because there is something about this kind of music that sooths my soul. I can't complain, this year has been a great year for me. I became a published writer/author, and I became an uncle for the first time. I shouldn't feel a sense that this year has been a failure, and I could chalk it up to me just being too hard on myself and trying too hard to meeting other's expectations. I think around this time of year, we over think many things, and we have real expectations that we place on others, that if not meet immediately, we become hurt and toxic. I think that if we have eyes of wisdom this year around, when the bad stuff happens we won't be so surprised by it. Like any time of year, we want to be happy, but this is the time of year that we spend with family and friends and it can be the most dangerous time of year when things don't go as planned. We fear being in pain, and we fear our loved ones being in pain. we can relive childhood experiences as a result of trauma we experienced as a child, and what might have bugged us during the year, might push us over the edge when we don't get our way, especially during the holidays.

We get the holiday blues not only when we have no one to celebrate the holidays with, but even as a result of being with our family and friends and we feel we have let them down. We so desperately want to show to our loved ones that they are wanted, probably because we wanted to feel that way when we were kids, and we didn't get it fully. We see the child in everyone, as our emotions are pushed to the fore, and this is done unconsciously because to deal with painful childhood emotions now as adults can be a scary thing. But we shouldn't be afraid of being vulnerable, any attempts to suck it up and be a man this time of year will only cause us more pain now and in the future.

You might have been told to suck it up, that being your emotions as a child. I remembering playing hockey in high school and if you didn't suck it up you got benched or ridiculed. In a way, it wasn't all that bad, but as an adult we are more sensitive to our own human nature and what it means to fail publically, whether through accident, or mistake, and we realize that there are real life consequences to our failures that not only affect us, but effect other people as well. So unfortunately weakness is out for most of us. If we fail to be strong for our family we will look foolish, but actually showing weakness especially if we are known for being the stronger one, can show to other people that we are human too.

We develop a tough skin because we need to survive a sometimes harsh world. But we don't have to be tough on ourselves. I know you are thinking about that person right now, who just needs to have everything perfect, and I already know you are thinking they might send you running these holidays. But I encourage you to stay with that person to the best of your ability, if you can, and even help them out because in reality they might be the ones that need the most encouragement. In our own busyness we tend to overlook the most important spirit, and that is kindness. We need to have compassion on everyone, not just the easy ones in our lives. This is Mike.