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Polluted in the inner man.

We can all agree that pride and self love are not qualities that make a person great and this will allow me to tell of my rise and fall in the arts schooling community, (because I never made it to the professional side of things) in an somewhat honest way. You might want to ask the question right now what makes someone narcissistic, and I really think that this quality can be present in a lot of human beings. When I was in theatre school, I had one ambition and one ambition only and that was to become famous. I wouldn't of done anything to reach that goal, but I put myself in a situation where if I didn't succeed there would of been a tremendous amount of making up to do in other area's in my life. I remember a lot of us if not all were narcissistic and we all had that one goal in common..to be noticed.

To be noticed for our talent and to achieve something of greatness with the gift that God had given to us all. But something terribly horrible went wrong in my pursuit of grandeur. I found God. It took me a while to realise that I was not the saviour of my own life and I am still reminded at times when I still want to be that, there is a higher power that rules my existence and that higher power is God. When I strayed from the path in the mid '90's I was reminded once again that the only person who is to receive Glory in my life is the Lord Jesus Christ. Everyday God takes me to the matt and used the discipline that others would call cruel to give me the sense that I can do nothing without abiding in the Lord that has given me life. I would be a fool, to pick up where I left off and take the reigns of my life into my own hands at this time because in so doing so I would reject all of the good things that God has planned for my life and if that only thing involves final salvation of my soul in Heaven, I will be eternally grateful.

I remember saying quite often that true joy comes from knowing that your sins are forgiven and despite the times when pride creeps into out minds if our salvation was dependant on us keeping ourselves, we would be of men and women most miserable. As I am writing this I am reminded from what great heights I was brought low and all for the sake of Jesus Christ and the life that he offers me, not the life that the world wants to offer me. I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live but Christ that lives in me. Someone might of said that there is no cure for selfishness and loneliness and pride and even narcissism, but if God set me free from my sin, he can set anybody free from themselves. To be free from yourself brings relief and freedom and the only person who can do that is God. More specifically the Lord Jesus Christ.

We all struggle with pride and we all fall because of it but if you are in the Messiah we are free to live a life that is pleasing to God in word thought and deed and it won't be us who is doing it, it will be the holy spirit who will be leading us into all truth that we may have the joy of the Lord and final salvation in the end. What brings me clarity and peace of mind is not what other do for me, but what the Messiah has already done for me on the cross to purchase my eternal redemption for now and for eternity, I will give Glory to one person only and that is my Saviour and Lord.

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