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When you're not in the mood?

Living a life as a 40 something has many challenges and advantages compared to when I was younger. The obvious one being that I'm still single, but the more complicated and difficult challenges that life throws at you you are more aware and prepared to handle something that may have given you more trouble when you were younger. I became a born-again Christian when I was 21, fell in love and then fell out of love. The romance department has been kind of well let's just say not happening, but that isn't a cause for depression... It's a cause to look at things as they really are! Most people my age would be extremely depressed that they had met that special someone yet, and believe me I know that there are people out there who are in the same situation that I'm in! Yet what the singleness have to offer compare to being in a relationship they are two completely different things. The obvious differences someone who is not single has another human being to snuggle up with. And to be single for the rest of my life may actually be something that could happen, at one point I  wanted to become Hindu monk, actually stayed in an ashram more than once on retreat.

Life in the ashram was quite interesting. I remember taking a plane to California in my early 20s. When I arrived at the airport I was very much surprised and happy to be in California. I made it to the ashram late that night because I was at the wrong bus station waiting for my ride, but I eventually connected with them and caught the right shuttle bus to the place where I was going! I had been traveling all day and I refused to eat the airplane food so I was very hungry when I arrived at midnight ad at the ashram. The monk there showed me my room, and basically wished me a good night sleep. What I didn't know was that the kitchen was open all night long and being as hungry as I was I could've eaten quite a bit. But I went to bed hungry for the first time ever in my life, and woke up the next morning ready to eat something. I don't know if it was the food but I had somewhat of a spiritual experience when I woke up.

I woke up feeling as though a part of me was connecting with the spiritual environment around me, I had tried to meditate before in the past but was not successful at it. Not only did I wake up feeling as though I was physically ready for meditation, but there was a peace that I had experienced which was flowing through my mind and my heart at that particular time. I remember even quoting the Bible verse get thee Behind me Satan when I woke up in the morning, don't ask me why! I made my way onto the roadway that was beside the kitchen on the grounds of the ashram, and happened to notice some orange trees that were cultivated very well and the fruit was hanging on them. I wasn't totally sure if I should take an orange but I did anyways, I was so hungry. I remember confessing this to the man who led me to my room the previous night and he said it was okay to have the orange but next time just take them from the kitchen after the monks collect them. That made me feel better! The week was filled with wonderful experiences in meditation. I remember my very first group meditation, I felt like I could hear a pin drop and that a new world was opening up to me! I had opened up to a new world. I was on a work retreat which meant that I did some work on the farm or ashram that I was staying at. It was an ashram but the cultivated basil in order to support the ashram, so hence the beautiful at enormous greenhouses filled with knee-high basil plants. I learned that only to meditate but the cultivate basil I transported with the pick up truck which they allowed me to drive!

But memories of the food and of the quietness and the serenity that acompanied a meditative retreat with the fondest memories to me. In my room were some books written by Paramahansa Yogananda, The Bible, and other books that were provided by the retreat facility. I visited this ashram more than once, and each time I visited there was something new and fresh about my visit. You might be wondering why a Hindu ashram? That's where I was at that point in my life and that's what help me to grow to where I am now! And where I am now is just fine, but I will always have in my mind the quietness and the serenity that I found when I was expressing myself through meditation. This is Mike.

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