meg·a·lo·ma·ni·a
(mĕg′ə-lō-mā′nē-ə, -mān′yə)
n.
1. A psychopathological condition characterized by delusional fantasies of wealth, power, or omnipotence.
2. An obsession with grandiose or extravagant things or actions.
Do you see yourself in this condition, claiming to be the author of your own destination. If this crazy train was to come to your house would you get on board? They say that ink is like a weapon, but I like to use my weapon with ease until, WHAM it hits you. In the central vortex, the new paradigm, the new design, the new concept, that my ink is trying to bring to you..but today I just have a story.
When I was younger I had a dad who was interested in the sexual maturation of his son. Although I was in high school, I believe my father had sexual aspirations for me that I couldn't even comprehend. You might be wondering how I know this, I am his son. Now that I have grow up and my dad is 63, I look at him the same way I looked at him in high school. I never thought what kind of man my dad would turn out in old age, I always thought what kink of man I would turn out to be. I take great comfort knowing that I am not my father, or my brother, but my self. And as myself let me take you down a journey that started in college. I think you have to be young to appreciate this or relate in some way. I was a new kid, like all the other new kids we had just left home and out into the real world, the college world. We were growing up. Day by day there were things for us to do, people for us to see and party's for us to go to. My high school life was anything but boring. My parents had given me the freedom to be popular, I was a free agent. So why am I miserable now? Not there yet.
Some people get it backwards, miserable when they are kids and millionaires when when are adults, or should I say they suppress their childhood when they are children, and when they are adults they act like children. I would say that my dad is this way. Something happened in his childhood that I hope he doesn't mind me talking about here. His parents separated. I don't remember how old my dad was when this happened, and I don't think he would remember, but his longing for a father whether perceived or unperceived went unfulfilled in his life. I would recommend my father to see a shrink.
It doesn't happen everyday that you get the chance to bash on your own dad, and it was not my intention to do so. I really wanted to use this blog to talk about myself and the problems I am facing but my dad just keeps getting in the way recently...thought, dad, break from work, dad, am I going to church this Sunday, dad. My father is constantly on my mind and it is making me sick because my feelings are not all sugarly for my dad. May be there is a reason he is always on my mind. Maybe my church is praying for him, I don't know. I have had two personal conversations with pastors that I love recently, and maybe they have decided to pray for my dad. I have had conversations with a doctors about my my dad. (my psychiatrist is case you were wondering.) why is my dad the all star thought on my mind right now? 1.Because I am concerned he is loosing his mind and I am the only one who will admit it right now.
Back to megalomania, this is a funny sounding word but the condition is real. Look around you almost everyone you meet these days is a megalomaniac. This takes a little more pressure off of me because if the whole world has gone crazy, then my dad only has a small problem and I have an even bigger problem as a writer, because if everyone is obsessed with extravagance there will be little left on the plate for a shame filled old man, from death of a salesman called my dad to enter the last stage of his life and die at ease, because he is poor like me.
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