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OJ was a free man.

Scuttle back with me to the cloud nine shuttle bus that lead me to a Christian Hindu Monastery in Escondido California, in San Diego where pictures of my guru hung in appropriate places throughout the ashram. You see, it was a long journey that first night that lead me to a spiritual awakening not to be compared equally with the one I had when I was 21. This was different. My room was nice there were Bibles and books, written by the author Paramahansa Yogananda and I remember filling out an application which was denied because I couldn't afford to stay there because I was a man of debt. But the world had other plans for me. No I am not a new ager, but I was at the time and the lessons I learnt from My time with Self realization fellowship bring me to where I am today. I would like to share some of those lessons with u. ok?

Everybody dreams of being happy and for those couple of days that I was there in the ashram, I was happy. Some would say Blissed out. Whether I was truly blissed out or not, I can assure you I was happy, but you might be wondering what happened to me next? I'm not sure. I found myself on a plane heading back to my parents home, after resolving that I was going to stay in California, get a job and possibly live there..all legally of course. But that's just it the course was taken off track..seriously. I went so far off track that I could never find my way back to that initial state of happiness, and confined that wonderful experience in my life to something that should be forgotten, instead of remembered and weighed. I tried to do that several years ago, but I wasn't being faithful to my own Saviour in all things, so now is the time.

Count the cost, something Christians firmly believe in. But there was no counting when I was in California or Toronto for that matter. I wanted to be settled and I tied as you all are trying now to make a name for yourself, to raise that banner of life and say look at all the things that God is doing for me..but I wasn't pursuing God in the right way. Oh ya, a definition that my family still holds against me every time I mention the name Paramahansa Yogananda, I get hisses and boos, until finally I suppress once again all the feelings and lessons I learnt, until they actually deny that I was on a spiritual quest, what quest..it was a quest of life. I was trying to live.

It's weird, how some people choose to hide their dreams and even destroy them, without giving themselves the chance to make it. They feel they have to bring other people down with them because they too lost the desire to live..to really live. If you are one of those people, I want you to live again. I am trying and until you stop destroying other peoples lives, you just might see what I saw in California.

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