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When it comes to making decisions I have a very difficult time doing so. Some decisions are no brainers like renewing your passport and going to church on the weekend. Some of my choices are done with wisdom and some of my choices are done out of sheer stupidity, I am choosing to decide not what is right but what will benefit other people, specifically the ones I love the most. Let me give you an example if I may.

Last year I attended an invitation by my church to travel to Chicago to learn more about my job as a volunteer children's minister. I went. When I got there I was so excited to be in the presence of my favourite bible teacher James MacDonald. In the car with two lovely people and me in the back seat, somewhere in Indiana I shouted out the name "James MacDonald" out of sheer excitement that I was going to see him up and close, I might have scared my two travel companions. Tonight is a great night but it is bitter sweat because a bus load of Christians from Chicago where we travelled last year has arrived right here, or should I say right there at the church that really wants to make things right for everyone??? Did that make sense. OK, here is the dish.

I messed up a little bit but I'm not going to admit it because if I do I could get tagged like a dear. The question is do I reform or do I stay the same..what that means is do I take up the responsibility of proving that I am a team player, or do I sit on the sidelines for the rest of my life knowing that I was a team player but really didn't have the balls to prove it. I'll tell you the answer. If I take up the mantle of once bitten twice shy I prove my self to really be who I really am and if I back down, I place somewhat a curse on the rest of my life because I will always be seen as that guy who walked away from something that could have saved his soul. Do I cast myself into the misery of knowing that if I had a little more time and a little more money I would be respected by my peers or will I be known as that guy who just wasn't willing to go along on a ride that seems incredible even to get off.

Sanity says this is too big of a choice to make for myself, and the rest of you seem to say go ahead and do this thing that I will have to live with for the rest of my life and quite possibly never escape from. Do I kill my sense of who I am or do I release that whole thing and just be a conformist but really labelled as a defector what will you do? I will choose to be who God made me and I will not resist this evil, I will conquer it, by the gift that God has given me..pen in hand.

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