Going under the needle.

Last month I was given a blood requisition form by my doctor/psychiatrist for certain medications I am on. The problem is that I have to fast 12 hours, so the suggestion goes; if you go to bed at 11pm and wake up, at 11am that's a twelve hour fast. Just make your way over to the hospital and get your blood work done. But the problem is that I suffer from insomnia...not joking. I don't have a problem going to sleep it's just that I usually don't get to bed until 12am or 1am, and I wake up feeling like I've been through a war, not like I've had a good night sleep. The last thing I want at this point is for strangers to poke a hole in my skin and draw blood making me feel even weaker than I do when I wake up. It usually takes me several hours after I wake up to feel normal enough to start my day. Yes there are natural stimulants that I use to help in this process, but I woke up this morning to the resolve that I would make today the day I would get my blood work done.

I got up and out of bed, and nearly felt like I was dying. There is my dad who was out all night, who had slept in, it is now 11am, I went to bed at 1am last night and I feel that if I don't take my medication I'll go crazy. So I kamikazed it and not only did I have a stimulant but I took my medication, (which you are not supposed to take before your blood test) and I'm laying in bed listening to my father come out of his shower (11:13am) and desperately wanting to go downstairs and kamikaze it with another stimulant, just to feel alive. This happens ever year when I am forced to go under the needle and take a blood test for medications that I feel are not working, but feel forced to take them, with a dead beat dad who never leaves the house till 12pm on days when I'm resolved to go to the hospital. Tomorrow is Thursday, but if this pattern persists, I will go to my doctors visit this month, without having done my blood test and feeling like my body is shutting down, and craving another coffee or something that will pick me up.

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